March 13, 2009

  • Partnered Rivals - 同心的對手

    I was watching a cheesy Chinese romantic comedy yesterday, and one phrase that one of the female characters said really caught my attention.  She commented (in Cantonese) that she wanted a 對手, not a 男朋友。

    I think it was in 1998 that this thought really crystallized in my mind; that I wanted a peer... someone to mentally "hit against" throughout life.  Rivalry is probably too strong a word; it implies some type of antagonism.  Yet, in some levels, coordinated rivals describes something that is appealing.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith portrays that rivalry well (though quite unrealistically!)... and it can be quite an exciting thing.

    That said, over time, one realises that life and work can be very exhausting, and that rivalry at home might not be the best way to go about spending one's energy.  Perhaps it might be better to be partnered with one who not only shares similar if not the same goals, and desires not rivalry but a tension more complentary in nature.

    I still like the dance analogy - Tango in particular, where there is that kind of tension, and complementation in movement, individuality in expression, yet without completely sacfricing a wholistic sense of unity.

    A formidable partner that would have been a devastating rival.  Fortunately, instead, they were made one's permanent ally.  I like that better.

    非同心的對手，不如，雙強人溫和的合作

February 8, 2009

February 3, 2009

  • Economies as Ecologies/A Novel Idea

    Have you ever considered the Economy as a collection of economic organisms?  Units in real ecologies play a dizzying array of roles in an eco-system, that are often difficult to understand fully until they are removed.  Tinkering with the eco-systems of certain rivers has often resulted in unexpected consequences.  Repopulating ecologies with foreign species can also result in the devastation of indeginous species.  One of the features of well balanced ecologies is the presence of a diverse population of predators and prey that range up and down the food chain.  Diverse strategies for feeding and reproduction as well as diverse demands for resources allows more flexibility and resilience as conditions change. 

    This is true, whether one looks at insects or fish or birds... though insect populations are easier to study because of their short life cycles and potential for explosive population growth and decline.

    In a sense, the business and finance environment is very much an ecology of financial "predators and prey" trying to eke out a financially viable model to live.  In business, you don't have to "die" to feed another entity of course, but you do give up resources.  The best non-zero-sum game scenario is where one entity can use the waste of another entity productively.  This certainly happens in biological eco-systems. 

    So here's my hypothesis:

    If financial ecosystems end up with too much of a single type of strategy, too dependent on a single resource, you result in fragility in that system when conditions change; much like when a single predator has become dominant, and begins to feed on a previously plentiful resource.  When the resource begins imploding (such as killing off adults of a herbivorous population, leading to collapse of the repopulation rate), the predator population implodes.  In a sort of analogy, easy credit for housing created a glut of debt that could be repackaged.  Leveraging at higher and higher ratios was possible due to the apparent stability of such financial instruments.  More financial institutions adopted similar strategies in order to compete with leaders.  With such a huge proportion of available credit tied up into this group of strategies, it left the entire system vulnerable when the resource dried up (in this case, unsecure credit, repackaged), leading to an implosion in the "predators" in this case.

    Yes, it's an imperfect analogy, but I think that regulation of the finance sector needs to understand that companies evolve as strategies evolve.  It's not a zero sum game, but dangerous imbalances that occur in nature occur in markets... and that business approach diversity probably is the best insurance against catastrophic systemic failures.

    Someone disagree, please?  (Falankestock perhaps?  ;) )

    One of my friends has been writing a book.  Happily, I've had the pleasure of perusing and commenting on that said book.  I'm truly as happy as a clam.  The process of commenting and the reading itself has been made all the more sweet because the content has been crafted well.

    The side effect?  One of the novel ideas that have been cooking in my head has now reached critical mass, and I'm writing like a fiend.  No doubt one of these weeks, I'll get burned out, and the idea will go back on the shelf... but I haven't worked on this one since 2006. 

    One of the ideas that I had back in 1998 has already been used in a book that I read in the early 2000's.  So that one is dead.  :)   There are two authors that have really caught my attention these days.  They've captured much of the feel that I want.

    George R. Martin - The Game of Thrones series
    and
    Patrick Rothfuss -- The Name of the Wind.

    The texture of Martin's world is a lot like what I'd want.  The characters in Rothvuss' are much like the protagonists that I want to craft.

    Two more:  Scott Bakker created a metaphysical paradigm that I like.  Steven Erikson has a world that has a sense of history that I really enjoy.

    But as far as just the tale -- the characters and the plot -- I really envy Patrick Rothfuss ability to craft...

    In a sense, I feel like if what I want to write is already out there... maybe I'm already too late?

    Write on, and find out!

February 2, 2009

  • Silver Linings

    First, an aside:
    UFC 94 analysis - From Sherdog.com

    My take:
      Before there was football or sports, there was war.  No doubt boys and men everywhere discussed who would beat who if so and so fought so and so.  Four to five thousand years later (at least), we still discuss these sorts of things in fantasy sports, what-if war scenarios ... and most definitely in the world of all martial arts.

      We wonder what would happen if Bruce Lee fought Mike Tyson, or if Wong Fei Hong fought Musashi.  Conjecture with no way to prove one's conclusion.  It begets endless cycles of discussions filled with baseless pseudo-reasoning.

      UFC (and PrideFC, how I miss you!), Affliction, Dream and Sengoku make many of these dream matches possible by virtue of placing fighters of different disciplines together in a ring or cage.  I'd love to see what it looks like, when the best of a discipline goes against another.  It's a dream... and may never happen... but it's a dream.

      Watching Lyoto Machida pick Thiago Silva apart with ease was such a rush.  His mental excellence is extraordinary.  Fighting, for all its apparent brutality, begins and ends in the mind.

    Silver Linings:

      This weekend, my fmaily was finally able to spend some time together praying and reading scripture.  Spending time eating at nice restaurants, watching movies ... it was the first time in several months we've been able to live like a family.  Eating at the same table and talking about the issues of the day was an amazing experience that I've not had in a long time.  We studied Luke 15 together, discussing the two prodigals in relation to my brother and I, as well as my parents. 

      It was like a breath of fresh air.

      My Lord is good.

      2008 was a difficult year.  I'm starting, just starting to see how the Lord knows best in these last months.

    ευλελεω!

January 30, 2009

  • Imago - A Chrysalis of Eternal Disappointment


    Self-references:
    Context - polymath
    Judgement/Obama - polymath
    Arete - polymath

    Imago - Definition

    1 : an insect in its final, adult, sexually mature, and typically winged state
    2     : an idealized mental image of another person or the self

    Ambition may drive one far -- but it can easily drive others away.

     7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

    I Samuel 16:7

    Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

    II Corinthians 4:16-18 (NIV)

    Already in his doctoral dissertation Sanctorum Communio, it becomes clear that Bonhoeffer rejects an idealistic and idealised understanding of the church community. The body of Christ is not ideally, but actually present in history. The obvious flaw for Bonhoeffer of the Kantian concept of the church is that it did not understand this real presence in history. The historical form of the church is for Bonhoeffer to be counted among the greatest strengths of the church – a fact that is often overlooked by those who despise the historical nature of the church.

    Bonhoeffer writes: ‘Genuine love for the church will bear and love its impurity and imperfections too; for it is in fact this empirical church in whose womb grows God’s sacred treasure.’ Bonhoeffer views any attempts to purify the church as presumptuous.  The church is not an unattainable ideal, but a present reality. Therefore Bonhoeffer states: ‘Christian thinking, in contrast to all idealist theories of community, considers Christian community to be God’s church-community at every moment in history. And yet within its historical development it never knows a state of fulfillment. It will remain impure as long as there is a history, and yet in this concrete form it is nevertheless God’s church-community. There will never be a pure church, just as there never was one.’

    ‘If we speak of God, we may not say of him that he is the representative of an idea of God, which possesses the characteristics of omniscience and omnipotence; rather we must speak of his weakness, his manger, his cross. This man is no abstract God. Strictly speaking we should not talk of the incarnation, but of the incarnate one.’

    - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Christology

    A discussion of Sociology and the church

    In 1995, I had a discussion with a roommate about Dietrich Bonhoeffer's feeling about idealism, and how it was unhealthy for Christian community.  In Kantian articulations of the ideal, there is an emphasis on the attainment of the ideal itself.  Bonhoeffer rejects that emphasis, choosing instead to celebrate the Church as is.  The discussions similarly turn to the individual, recognizing the inherent conflict of desiring perfect holiness, while in reality wreathed in imperfection of both flesh and spirit.

    I am, admittedly, an idealist.  I love ideas and I love dreams.  I've had an ideal conceptualization of a family, wife, home and career since kindergarten.  Despite some changes in emphasis over the past 3 decades, the reality is that they haven't changed all that much.  Since encountering Apollo in the Classical mythology (age 6), followed by Leonardo DaVinci (age 9), Benjamin Franklin (age 7), I've always been drawn to polymaths in history and fiction... To emulate that pattern of inquiry and that pursuit of multi-faceted excellence has become an unconscious goal even from that young age.  (How can you not like a musical god of wisdom/knowledge who also not bad with a sword?)  (On a side note, I really liked Janus (God of doors, age 5 or 6) when I saw a character named Janus during a cartoon.  I don't know what that says about me...) (actually, I probably do...)

    When encountering any difficulties along this path, I've consoled myself that the volume of knowledge in the present has increased immensely over their day (and one, of course, was a Greek god).  It is an ideal that cannot be realised by a mortal.  Time begins to steal away memories and knowledge and age steals strength and beauty leaving a husk of the vibrancy that one experiences in youth.  Eternity is out of the mortal's grasp.

    An overemphasized ideal can press us relentlessly forward, leaving us unsatisfied with everything that we have attained.  In the throes of we may find ourselves blind to the beauty of smaller blessings and accomplishments that might literally surround us.  We may find fault in the nearly insignificant weaknesses of others while forgetting outstanding strengths and merits. 

    Far from aiding us pursue excellence, unchecked idealism may rob us of valid joy.

    It is in this light that I will consider my most pernicious imago.

    The Imago that exists for my own identity lays pressure upon me that I have long known and grown accustomed to.  The imago I hold for a theoretical wife is far more deleterious.

    I had an exchange with an old friend who reminded me of some of the burdens that I placed upon her so many years ago.  Expectations to fulfill a ideals formed in the vacuum of inexperience.  Dreams formed in the space between novels and movies and fancy.  It's an imago which I've held unintentionally all my life.  It is impossible to fulfill, and utterly so.

    To write about such a person in the ether today would be too embarrassing -- and humbling.  I am not worthy of my imago.  My unattainable ideal self might be worthy of her, but I certainly am not. 

    No, I am outwardly wasting away -- inwardly renewed with the hope of an eternity with, and in, God.

    I wrote about this from the perspective of idolatry before, and in a sense, this is a repetition on a theme.  The iconoclast in my demands the defacement of these idols -- these imagos.  Yet they are held so tightly and unconsciously.  In every way, I've desired to live, marry, age and die flawlessly.  (Admittedly, I've failed miserably.  :) ) 

    So today, again, I repent of my idolatry and hubris.  I can neither worship my ideal self, nor an ideal wife or marriage.  We are all imperfect; profoundly so.  There never was nor will there be a human without flaw, save Jesus -- at least on this side of Eternity.

    The balance between pursuing dreams and ideals and the acceptance of imperfection is a delicate one -- one that I am woefully far from understanding.  No doubt, I will continue to pursue ἀρετή in all aspects of life -- yet hopefully with a little less idolization. (Wikipedia)  It is even more difficult when contemplating finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with.  Divorce is out of the question, and thus I can only expect to marry once (barring an unexpected death...).  Empiric evidence shows me rather starkly that bad marriages can be quite destructive...

    Yes, marriage is a one-way gate that must be crossed with the utmost circumspect care.  We need to choose wisely and look hard for someone that we esteem.

    At tension -- Maintaining an impossible ideal/imago leads to unnecessary disappointment.  In truth, the title should be "persistent temporal disappointment"... for when we die, we will be renewed and made perfect. 

    With regards to community...

    Bonhoeffer writes about community and how the Church can suffer because of the same over-emphasis on ideals.  Sin exists while we are here on earth.  We sin against one another and against God on an hourly basis if not more frequently.  Sexual sin, murderous thoughts are with us.  The desire for ideal holiness is laudable, but unattainable on earth.  I believe policies that maximize the temporal consequences of sin are not necessarily the wisest... HPV vaccinations and birth control policies should not be viewed as abrogations of God's prerogative to punish sin.  He can do so irrespective of our governmental and church policies.

    "Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.  It is mine to repay."

    Let us let him do so.  We have, instead, a responsibility to instruct, defend, forfend and discipline.  Discipline is not the same as punishment. 

    Idealism also harms us in that if we are always looking for a "perfect" church to belong to, we will always be looking and always be disappointed.  Jesus calls us into life-giving (and frustrating) community.

    You can't love your neighbour if you never met him/her.
    And remember, you're as disappointing to him/her as they are to you...

    May mercy and grace be abundantly given to you in His blood.


    7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

    I Samuel 16:7


    I've always looked at that verse in terms of the rejection in the positive sense... God rejected Saul based on his heart.  Yet God did not reject Saul because of his height or appearance.  We, in contrast, often reject based on height or appearance, and do not choose based on the heart.

    Trying to look for a church or partner that has that heart -- the heart of a woman who longs after God -- that's a good thing.  Seeing the heart as God sees it is no mean task.  In fact, it might be impossible

    I am certainly guilty of seeing as man sees.

    I am no different from most, if not all men.  I value beauty and charm.  How do I deal with that?

January 29, 2009

  • Interruption - Way Back into Love (梁静茹 Version)

    In a little bit, they'll finish transcoding Jasmine Leung's version of Way Back into Love, (梁静茹&黃品冠).

    When it's up, I'll add it into this entry. In the meantime, click on Audioblog, and you can find her version there.  I think she does a fantastic job with this cover...

    Comments:

    Jasmine Leung (梁静茹) remains one of my favourite Malaysian/CPOP popstars. Her real name is 梁翠萍. I love her voice and her song selection.  Consistently good quality, and sweet as can be without getting toooooooo  gooey.  Listening to her new album has been quite a treat... and the fact that it includes a cover of Way Back Into Love makes it oh so much sweeter.  :)  

    To HelloKittyCat, thanks for recommending that movie all those years back.  I finally watched it last year, and loved it.

    Music and Lyrics --

    Seriously fun trip back to the 80's.  I was laughing uproariously through most of the film.  The worst part?  I watched the music video about 50 times after my first time through the movie.  I couldn't believe how well that captured the feel of 80's pop.  It was perfect.  George Michael and Wham! got the wrong end of this pseudo tribute.

    I have to give credit to the creators of this film, for building quite an entertaining story about a has been pop-star, and a somewhat misdirected former English-major and would be writer.  At its heart, this story hangs its hat on the timeless tale of two people who help each other overcome their foibles and handicaps.  Hugh Grant stands up for Barrymore, offering protection and later support -- helping her find herself in writing song lyrics.  She helps him get a backbone and write music that he believes in.  She helps him stop pandering to the supposed tastes of the masses. 

    And that's one of the things we audiences love most about love stories -- when two people help each other be more than they would have been.  That synergistic dynamic really makes for uplifting watching.

    That's the core -- but the packaging was also quite entertaining, filled with 80's throwbacks and petulant quips.  One might argue that Hugh Grant is the more petulant of the two!

    After watching this flick, I ended up watching a bunch of old Wham! videos.  The resemblance is uncanny.

    Which reminds me... I was listening to Last Christmas whilst driving through the snow last morning.  :)

    Last Christmas
    As performed by Wham!

    Last Christmas
    I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    Last Christmas
    I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    Once bitten and twice shy
    I keep my distance
    But you still catch my eye
    Tell me baby
    Do you recognize me?
    Well
    it's been a year
    It doesn't surprise me
    "Merry Christmas"
    I wrapped it up and sent it
    With a note saying "I love you"
    I meant it
    Now I know what a fool I've been
    But if you kissed me now
    I know you'd fool me again

    Last Christmas
    I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    Last Christmas
    I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    ooooo
    oh oh baby

    A crowded room
    Friends with tired eyes
    I'm hiding from you
    And your soul of ice
    My god I thought you were
    Someone to rely on
    Me?
    I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

    A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
    A man under cover but you tore me apart
    oh oh
    Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

    Last Christmas
    I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    Last Christmas
    I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year
    To save me from tears
    I'll give it to someone special

    SPECIALLLLLL

    A face on a lover with a fire in his heart ( Gave you my heart)
    A man under cover but you tore me apart
    Maybe, Next year I'll give it to someone
    I'll give it to someone special.
    special.


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January 28, 2009

  • Bossa Nova - Movement for a New Year

    Bossa Nova - Wikipedia

    I wasn't able to blog for Christmas, nor for New Year's... or even for Chinese New Year...  so here I am.

    Snow is falling outside at an alarming rate, blanketing Cleveland with heavy folds of soft white crystal.  The sky is a dove-gray, hazy due to the innumerable flakes wafting with every eddy and current of a steady wind.  Driving has been hazardous; the snows resist the salt, and cling despite plows.  It's a winter wonderland.

    My drive lasted 1.5 hours compared to a typical 15-20 minutes.  Fortunately, listening to Nat King Cole croon Christmas tunes made for a rather surreal January morning.  How nice it would be to curl up under a warm throw next to family.  How I miss my family...


    Bossa Nova - The original new "wave"

    If Bossa Nova really only lasted from '58-'63, then it truly was an amazing an groundbreaking 7 years.  Even now, remakes of old songs, and songs built with echoes of the music that formed the foundation of the body of music now known as Bossa are made regularly.

    Bossa is not Jazz.  There are no doubt similarities... and some of the impulses that led (impelled?) artists to help this genre blossom are no doubt shared.  But the emotional connection I get from Bossa is a very different connection than what I get from old Jazz standards.

    For me, Bossa is a languid, plaintiff reverie... it is a musical reflection of 曖昧 (Ai4mei4), a sense of ambiguity in tension, typically romantic.  Bossa has the tones of the morning after the big party, when the adrenaline has faded and you're left with memories and possibly regrets that you might, in other moments ignore.  Bossa holds those piquant reflections close to the breast, savouring the almost (but not quite!) painful feeling that you've missed something important but aren't sure what it was -- and yet you'll look forward to the next day, because that's what you have to do.

    It's as if you say, "I'm a little sad, but it's still okay..."

    When one listens to "Wave," or "Trieste," or a bit of "Desifinado," how can you not smile wistfully at the subtle interplay of sadness and hope that resides so inextricably in the playful melodies and arpeggios of the "New Trend" of Brazil.

    It is fitting that Brazil would birth such a music.  Brasil has endured many things, and yet they put on a brave face -- a festival mask of gaiety and revelry.  Even heartbroken muses must smile -- 

    Is it any wonder why even Bossa's joyful refrains are haunting?

    As my family passes through its Annus Horriblis, we still smile, though there are painful memories.  Though there are regrets, there is hope.  It's admixed and inextricable.  It's ineffable and immiscible.  It's a good thing that we can hope in the Lord. 

    He is immutable.

    It's the Economy, Girlfriend... - An interesting article from the IHT
    For any of you with personal experience, please feel free to comment...  :)

    Next up:
    Imago - A Chrysalis of Eternal Disappointment

January 24, 2009

  • A day on call -- Aflliction 2

    I just watched Fedor Emelianenko (The best heavy-weight MMA fighter in the world) take out Andrei Arlovski in the first round.  He's amazing.  He reminds me of Alexander Karelin.  He makes me want to learn Sambo and Russian.

    He and Vitor Belfort both thanked God profusely for their victories.  I'm thankful that they credit God with their gifts and victories.  I hope Affliction continues their events... they are classier than UFC ... though I miss the pagaentry of PrideFC... Affliction isn't bad.

    Today was a great day in Cleveland... met new friends and cleaned up my house thoroughly.  The rare day on call where there were no emergencies.  Not a bad thing.

    I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but shortly, I'll return with Bossa Nova for the New Year.

    :)

    Best,

    F

January 4, 2009

  • Gifts II (Not about Bossa...)

    Vacations are perhaps some of the most important times in my life -- I rarely take a vacation where I am not confronted by very profound truths about my character (or lack thereof), my identity, and about how much better, and worse the world really is, compared to what I'd previously thought.

    I am not in the mood to write a lot today, for my heart is quite heavy...

    But there are three things that I'd like to share:
    1)  In the midst of both wealth and suffering, may God lift up the poor and the oppressed.  May my love for those that have been visited by such iniquity be more than mere words.

    2)  One does not deserve love.  Not true love.  It must be given.

    3)  No matter how expensive a gift, it is understanding of the recipient that garners the most appreciation.  No matter how much one spends, when the gift shows both affection and insight, it may truly touch the heart.

    It has been a most remarkable 2 months.  I have faced family calamities, and personal crucibles.  This trip has been most helpful in allowing me time to crystallize some of the thoughts and understandings... 

    Mercy.

    I am indeed in need of Mercy.

    With an abundance of wealth, the art of gift-giving has suffered grievously.  So many needs are met by our own hands -- we indulge ourselves at every turn.  What room is left for a gift giver to show insight?

    Imagine, if you will, a community that shared the same self-denial... yet was giving to others.  Imagine if others treated you with your gifts and some of your indulgences, whereas you sought to deny yourself luxuries.

    That would be something, wouldn't it?

    Our society is full of, "treat yourself right" instead of those that really love their neighbours.

January 3, 2009

  • Gifts - A Question (updated)

    What would you prefer?

    Let's say, your mom/dad/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, wanted to get you a gift. 
    Scenario 1:
      They know exactly what you want, can afford it, and they get it for you and give it to you as a surprise.
      *preferred choice, no doubt*  Let's get rid of this one.

    Scenario 2:
      They give you a credit card and tell you that you can buy whatever you want, up to... n dollars.

    Scenario 3:
      You go out shopping together, and they purchase something that you like, whilst wandering a store together.

    (Please don't add scenario 4, where you shop together, they see what you like, and then they buy it for you later...)

    Which of those 2 would you prefer and why?

    What if we turned the scenario around, if you were the giver, which would you prefer to be and why?

    Coming next:
    Bossa Nova for a New Year